Dear Ken,

I hate to say it but I miss you.

Not the confusion or random flirting, but the conversation. I miss conversing with you. I miss reaching out to you at 3 am and talking til the sun was pushing at the horizon. I miss laughing… over and over and over. I miss you Mr. Casanova. When I switched the words to “Sweet Child of Mine” around so they spoke of a He and not a She… You were the He. The eyes like rain and hair that was continually comforting and quirky. The crooked smile that exploded across your face into a cheesy, chinky eyed, grin. Your James Dean stance and Angels baseball hat. I miss it all. The riddles we called small talk. For 3 years I notified you every time it rained… as if the water falling from the sky wasn’t notification enough… but as ridiculous as it was you always laughed and played along improvising surprise. I miss you’re humor and intelligence and the fact that you didn’t always agree with me… but you listened anyway. Sonny doesn’t always listen. I’M NOT COMPARING THE TWO OF YOU. Even though that’s really hard not to do. Let’s leave it at this: (SHORT AND SIMPLE) I miss you.

♥ WendyBirdGypsy

the distracting “O” face.

Everyone has flaws. I know this and I accept it. I’m not trying to find the “perfect person” and I don’t strive to be “perfect” because I know it’s impossible and I’d rip myself to shreds in the process of trying to attain something so unreachable.

What I’m wondering is when the flaws are manageable and when they become too much to handle? Why is it I can deal with his antagonistic approach to life but when he bugs his eyes out during sex it drives me crazy. Not exactly crazy, but I can’t help but laugh. And then he asks me why I’m laughing and I have to shrug it off because I don’t want to tell him that his “O” face cracks me up and that if I’m going to get any satisfaction out of this romp-session we should probably turn the lights off. It’s not even just his eyes but the overall look on his face, its like a chimpanzee trying to figure out a puzzle and getting really frustrated in the process. His eyes bug out, his nostrils flare, he puffs out his cheeks, and his lips purse.

Basically this is what I get to look at (minus the tattoos)...

Now I’m not saying my boyfriend is unattractive in anyway. He’s incredibly attractive, but the faces he pulls during sex just bring on the giggles. We’ve tried different positions… but he likes to see my face. I try closing my eyes but he tells me to open them…  and all I can think is if I open my eyes I’m gonna lose myself to hysterics. ohhhhhhh what a dilemma I have. Oh “O” face gods please help my boyfriend find a less chuckle inducing way of showing his pleasure… PLEASE!!! Thank You.

♥ WendyBirdGypsy

awkward.

FIRST AN UPDATE:

I am now in a committed relationship with my coworker Sonny.

This does not mean stories of the other men are entirely gone, only that the stories of them will be less frequent… I am anticipating their reactions to my removal from the dating market and it should make for a few good posts.

So here’s where things get awkward.

I still live with my parents and younger brother so the privacy level in my house is close to zero. However, Sonny and I are determined to find ways around that. I’ll just put it out there: We like sex, and having sex in a house where someone else is always home and my bedroom door doesn’t lock is a bit of a mission. A mission we gladly accept.

Our mother’s (his and mine) are the one’s that make it awkward.

My mother has let him “spend the night” on multiple occasions which involves us BOTH sleeping in my room and me emerging in the morning with hickies (yes those horrible things I hate to have but love the feel of). She’s a young mom, only 20 yrs older than I am, and we are very open with each other. So she made it known that she knows we’re having sex. That’s awkward enough as it is. However, last night as Sonny and I are laying in my room watching TV with the lights off (and yes we were JUST watching TV) I get a text from my mom who was sitting in the living room. The text read:

Where did you guys go?

I was a bit confused so I texted her back:

What are you talking about we’ve been here the whole time. We’re watching TV in my room.

and her response was:

Dark room. I don’t hear a TV. I know what you guys are doing *insert my full name here*

I completely understand her position but find it a little weird that she has a problem with me watching TV in my room with my boyfriend, but she has no problem with him sleeping over…. odd.

While my mom’s actions were a bit awkward they are NOTHING compared to my boyfriend’s interactions with his mom later in the night.

He doesn’t have a car at the moment so his mom came to give him a ride home. He gets in the car and before he can say anything she says:

“I hope you’re using protection. You smell like sex.”

He was surprised and stammers:

“What are you talking about?”

To which she replies:

“I’m not stupid. I was young once too, and I know you really like her. Actually maybe this is a good thing, now you can finally give me grandbabies.”

He was shocked. I was more shocked. I haven’t even met this woman yet and she wants him to knock me up so she can have grandbabies?!

As he was telling me all this we both were fighting between laughter and shocked silence. Babies? Really?!

That woman is crazy.

For now I’ll leave it at that because I haven’t exactly processed last night entirely. More to come.

♥ WendyBirdGypsy

 

 

 

shy, shy, shy.

It has been established that my feelings for my coworker are mutual. (Hurrrray, dance jump and sing!) After that confirmation was made we both agreed that a “date?” was in our near future. Seems simple enough right? It’s not.

I don’t know why dating has become so… confusing…

Was there really a time when a guy would ask you out, plan the date, and confirm that it was indeed A DATE?

Now a days it seems like the words “We should hang out” have replaced “I want to take you out on a date” as the go to standby of every guy I come across.

I can’t count the number of times a guy has asked me to “hang out” and I, with the assumption that he and I are just friends, go; only to discover as he’s buying my coffee and trying to kiss me that this “hang out” is really a date in disguise! Awkward moment indeed.

Now I am faced with THIS dilemma:

“Sonny” (my coworker) has confirmed that his feelings for me match mine for him. Which clears up some confusion… However, the conversations about a possible “date” have unfolded like this:

Sonny: So… when are we going to hangout?

Me: You tell me.

Sonny: Well, I don’t know. Think of something.

Me: No, you think of something.

Sonny: I don’t know… Think of something.

He uttered those oh so confusing words: LET’S HANGOUT. However, I am going to ignore them and assume that this is a date.

But that isn’t the problem. The problem is this has been going on for a week now and we have yet to pick a time, place, or activity to do on our “date”. (Frustrating? YES very.)

I know he is shy. I know he doesn’t have much experience with girls and dating (I don’t know why because he’s gorgeous!) and to me that isn’t a bad thing! The only problem with it is we’re getting no where because his “shy” demeanor is handicapping his decision-making.

Yes, I could plan a date and tell him when and where to show up, but I don’t want to. I’ve always felt what a guy plans for a date can tell you a lot about him and about how a relationship with him would be.

Example #1: Ken asked me to come over and watch movies at his house I later discovered he LOVES being at home.

Example #2: The firefighter that took me to a lake that was less than a mile from a HUGE brush fire, and asked if I thought it was romantic as ashes were falling down all around us and I was choking from the smoke in the air, I later found was OBSESSED with his job… and that obsession overflowed into other aspects of his life but you get the point.

Example #3: The guy that took me on a hike to a waterfall, playing his guitar the entire way, and seemed like a totally romantic and fun guy. Doesn’t seem bad huh? I thought he was a great catch until we were back at his place watching a movie and his friends burst into his room, started digging through his stuff and jumping all around us, and he said they did it all the time… I later found, when it came to his friends, this guy had no boundaries.

(It’s not rocket science, and I don’t judge a guy on the first date and dump him if it sucks but it seems to give me a good baseline for how things are going to go)

So while Sonny may be shy, I still want him to plan something. (And I know he has something in mind but his nerves are drowning him) I feel like all I can do is encourage him and confirm the fact that I like him, I’m not picky, and I don’t care what we do as long as it’s just me and him and we AREN’T at work.

To Be Continued. Cross your fingers for me!

<3

i’ll be your calm.

image can be found here: http://browse.deviantart.com/?q=ocean%20rain%20sun&order=9&offset=24#/d14fthr

If Sonny is the earth and I am the water, then together we are an ocean. I have waves and he has stability. Together we have depths and secrets and an understanding.

If I am the sky then he is the rain running through and washing over me. And I am clean and he is pure and together we shine.

When you are tense I am calm. When I am tense you are calm. Together we form a balance. A turning that never spins out.

We laugh. We smile. We understand.

<3

is it all just in the movies?

You know those movie moments that capture your heart and take your breath away? The scenes that leave you wondering: Where the heck is my Romeo? My Lorenzo Bartolini? Where’s my Noah and why hasn’t he written me a letter everyday for a year?

The fact is that interactions off screen just don’t live up to their movie magic counterparts, but the fact that we’ve seen those perfect situations play out leaves our imaginations burning a fire through our hearts. Yes I’m the girl that watches romantic comedies just because I love to laugh and cry simultaneously. I’m also the girl that daydreams about my drool worthy coworker and hopes that when he turns the light off in the stockroom, while I’m rooting around in there, he’ll find me in the dark and kiss me passionately. I know the possibility of this happening is slim to none, but why does it have to be?  Stand up Hopeless Romantics! Let’s make our own magic!

Why don’t people take chances? Why can’t my coworker pull me into the stockroom, kiss me quickly, and leave before anyone notices? Why can’t the guy I’ve been dating off and on for 3 years do a midnight drive by and ask me to lay out on the grass with him and look at the stars? I’d be happy with a love letter. Or note. Or Post-It.

Just jump into the unknown and take a chance! If you like me, tell me in the sweetest way possible and I’ll melt. Yeah that’s hard for me to admit because I try to seem like such a badass, but I’m a sucker for a smile and a genuinely sweet line.

Catch me. Hook, line, and sinker.

and I saw.

I found myself bespelled by his lips and the way they sat slightly pressed together on his face. And when I felt myself staring at his mouth, and my mouth simultaneously parting, I tried to look away and was caught by his eyes. He was doubtful in that moment, and while I tried to keep myself from drooling, I realized his uncertainty made him even more attractive. It’s the quiet exchanges where neither of us want to look away, but couldn’t if we tried, that have led me to this point. I want him for keeps.

I want to wrap myself in his hair and feel his voice hum close to my neck. I want him to understand that I’m not making faces because I think he’s weird. I’m not judging him in any way. I’m the weird one! I’m awkward and shy and when he’s around I giggle and make faces and look like a hyena on crack. But I shake when he’s around me. Like my body can’t hold my excitement. Like my soul knows something my mind can’t yet comprehend. And it’s a good shake. And I think he feels it too.

Talk. We need to talk. Really talk. Get it all out there.

I see you. I understand you.

But we need to talk.